I struggle with doubt! I am sure I am not the only one who struggles with this battle. Sometimes I doubt everything, my skills, my abilities, my worth, you name it and I doubt it! Phew! Admitting that is tough, but then again admitting to anything always is. From the guy who many say is always so upbeat, always positive! Often, just like Batman, I’ve worn a mask hiding behind the positive facade. I am guessing this comes from turning past results into future expectations. This stems from bad business relationships, poor decisions, broken relationships, you name it. However, what I often forget is the many successful moments that far outweigh and outnumber the failures or perceived failures.
A friend Jim Ites once said “We irrigate the thoughts we imagine! What are you watering?” Well at the writing of this, I can honestly say, I’m irrigating dirt! Today is not just a battle but an all-out war, and I am honestly struggling. The word “imagine” sheds a lot of light on our perception. What we perceive as failure many may see as a blessing. In fact, our perceived failure may just be a win in someone else’s life, or a prayer answered.
The wounds we self-inflict totally blindside what God is doing through us and how He is working within us now. This doubt can totally paralyze us if we allow it. These are simply trials in life, we must look at them as learning opportunities and move forward. Why does God present these tools of misfortune to hit us?
The book of James gives us some incite to the tests we are presented with and the seeds of wisdom to manage them. We should receive these tests with joy and look for the benefits from them, however, we need wisdom from God to see the tests in this manner.
“If any of you lacks wisdom you should ask God who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.” (James 1:5-8) When we focus on the word “doubting” it dwindles one’s mind, debating our decisions, it’s not a momentary doubt but a divided allegiance. Which leads us to conflict in our mind, we divide our allegiance as we consider double-minded or literally two souls. When one part of a person is set on God and the other of this world, we create constant conflict. “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You can’t serve God and Money.” (Matthew 6:24 NIV)
It’s a vicious cycle when my mind takes my eyes off God and lets the past dictate the present. That’s when the conflict begins. I beat myself up over and over for not having achieved “my perceived success” I felt I would have at the age of 50. What that is, I have no idea, I am guessing better prepared for retirement, more financially secure, not doubting my life purpose. Surely, I never thought I would be thinking about what is next and new life beginnings. When these moments arise I look to Romans 8:31, “what, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us who can be against us?” When we live by faith, if all God has done in foreknowledge to glorification for us, then our adversaries are powerless against us!
It is easy to forget this however, when we detach ourselves from the vine and beat ourselves up. “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.” (Romans 7:15 NIV) I honestly hate being or sound negative, yet there are days when it seems to fill my mind and obviously my heart, yet I do it. Paul was absolutely conflicted with not understanding himself. This conflict and battle is between the identities of the believer. One totally acknowledges the good (love) the other produces the evil (sin).
On the heaven side of earth, the expectation of perfection shouldn’t be expected, we can see as the promise has been secured through the sacrifice of Christ. We are a work in progress, we are being prepared for our next mission. Yet all too often we expect perfection in every aspect of life. “For by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy.” (Hebrews 10:14) As hearts are transformed through our faith in Jesus we also become more and more holy each day. The heart is an amazing instrument; however, it is capable of many symphonies.
Andy Stanley sums it up best in his book The Principle of the Path “The heart is incurably deceitful. It’s untrustworthy, dishonest, corrupt. Consequently, you and I will always have the ability-even the propensity-to lie to ourselves, act on those lies and then defend the lies with loopy excuses.” {Stanley, A. (2008) The Principle of the Path: How to get from where you are to where you want to be (Kindle Reader Version) retrieved from Amazon.com} How many times do we lie to ourselves, say “I can’t do that”, or “I would never be able to” or justify new electronics when we really don’t need them with a simple little lie of “it’ll be more efficient, I can get more done” ask yourself more what? It’s usually not of more of what is important, but on to the next busyness excuse. It’s just like my doubt troubles, it’s all a little lie to justify! That justification then brings on stress, frustration and more. It’s not just the frustration with myself but with others, from family to co-workers to neighbors. It’s truly not fair to family, friends or anyone for that matter.
It brings about a great lesson to review the above verses when doubt rears its ugly head. I Grow closer to the vine and bring back into perspective our root and realize how fortunate I am. Every struggle is just a season, each season is survivable when leaning on faith. Leaning on faith, we grow stronger, gain wisdom, and become more Christ like. It’s all in His plan, it’s our job to abide.